Second Chances

It took me 2 years to close this door in my mind, so I am sure you understand my hesitation in opening it again.

The mind is like an endless corridor with doors on either side....

These doors lead to rooms where memories, thoughts and emotions reside!

How many corridors do you have...?

~ WB ~ Breakfast, Lunch and Supper (1994)

It is 11 - 12 - 2019....

Today is my birthday, YAY.

I am 41 years old.

Never did I think I would reach this age!

The plan was always to live fast and die young!

Nothing ever goes according to plan....

An unexpected message leads to a surprise visit and I am sitting with my long time friend, Mally...!

We are discussing the future and how we can improve it?

What are our chances and how do we stay competitive in the ever changing field of on-line teaching?

There are so many different avenues to consider.

These are tough questions that I am sure many online teachers ask themselves regularly.

We, however, have no fear in finding the answers.

We never do!

Somewhere during the evening or early morning hours Mally asks me:

'How did you find out about on-line teaching?'

I battle to find the answer, it's like my mind is stuttering and my mouth opens but nothing comes out. I can't seem to find the right memory to his question.

Must be too much whiskey or beer!

My memories are hazy, and my mind is befuddled....

Sometimes it feels like my mind has broken into a million pieces and now resembles a shattered mirror, that I've tried to glue back together on an uneven wall.

Slanted reflections of myself are all that I see, and some of the pieces refuse to fit properly. The harder I try to push them back into place the deeper the sharp memories cut me.

My soul bleeds...

~WB~

A song starts playing, Aesther - when the sky turns grey-

Suddenly the shards all melt together and spin around me. A worm hole appears in the fabric of my reality as I relive the past 3 or 4 years backwards from this moment to when I first heard about online teaching!

My mom had collapsed and hurt her neck one night getting a glass of water. The local 'quack' sent her to a specialist in a neighboring town. The specialist seemed optimistic, the procedure is fairly routine. Put a few supports and springs between the damaged vertebrae an all will be well.

So the specialist directs my mother to a private hospital for tests where they discover she has bone cancer.

My mother and I are devastated by the news...

As a Breast Cancer survivor for 15 years, this was always a worry for her.

Would the scourge ever return?

Suddenly we have to extend our stay for further tests!

Our limited budget won't cover multiple trips or overnight stays in expensive bnb's.

I shoot down to the shops to get Gogo* airtime so she can let everyone know the terrible news.

My mind races...

Do I sleep in the bakkie next to the road somewhere?

Do I know anyone in this town well enough to call for help?

What do we do?

My mom can't be alone now.

The hospital wont let me sleep in the waiting room either and offer no further help whatsoever!

Greedy cunts, they only care about themselves and money...

Some call it fate, some call it providence, or destiny,

I don't know!

Just then my phone bleeps and I get a facebook notification.

My crazy skateboarding friend / D.J. extraordinaire that I havn't seen in half a decade or more, is trash talking on someone's conversation thread.

(Destroying snowflake statuses never gets boring and I'm glad for the distraction.)

Then it hits me, Mally lives in Newcastle, I wonder if I can find his cell number?

If I call him, what will he say?

POP!

Just like that the memory bursts and I am dragged back to the present moment. Mal slaps me on the side of the head!

'Are you okay?' he asks with a hint of alarm in his voice?

'Thought we lost you for a second old chap..' he says in a mock accent.

I let the dig at my age slip this time.

As I internally contemplate the shards of my mind lying at my feet again, I take another sip of whiskey, or is it beer? Or did we mix the whiskey and the beer?

It's difficult to say at this stage.

The optimist in me wonders hopefully if the shards will possibly fit back together, hopefully better this time round...

Staying with Mal and his brother Nick for a few days was such a help and gave my mom some peace of mind. Cancer round 2 is probably not easy to face. That weekend changed the direction of my life even though I didnt know it then.

Mally had just finished studying his 120 hr Tefl with i-to-i.com and his first job interview was successful!

He started teaching online that same weekend!

After some months and regular localized radiation, the bone Cancer went away. Doctors told us that, in her circumstances, only 15% survive.

Everyone was relieved, mom went back to work and started planning for the neck operation. For a short while everything was normal.

Then the nausea started, then the vomiting, then the loss of appetite.

Sadly, her liver started swelling...

One day I am driving my mom to work and suddenly.... Boom!

In the blink of an eye, we are camping in a hospital room watching our beloved mother die. It all happened so quickly. I guess in a way that is a blessing of sorts, a silver lining.

So...

This is for you mom!

I wish you could see me now...

Teaching English Online, writing blogs and even qualified to teach IELTS. Thank you for the advice you gave me, it has served me well.

I'll see you one day at the great cinema in the sky...!

Then I can show you how I destroyed all our enemies.

Success is the best revenge.

The song stops playing and my head snaps back to reality, Again!

Mally is still waiting for an answer.

I simply burst into tears...

Doctors bury their mistakes! -L.E.B.

*Gogo means granny in Zulu.